I've decided that I love being a parent. I've also decided that I hate being a parent. It's not that I don't love and adore my boys. I do. I can't get enough of them! They're getting so big, and so smart! We have the best time together when we finally get to play. I can't believe how many different skills they are picking up. The other day, one of them beat me at Wii bowling, and I wasn't "letting" him win. They can write their names (sort of), they can sing songs, and they know more about cars at 4-years-old than I know at 33!
They have become more active in their bedtime prayers, which is really fun to see them growing in their understanding of God. They still thank God for everything from their parents to the ants that we saw crawling in the kitchen. (Daddy and Mommy were NOT as thankful for that last one.) It's child-like, and it's wonderful! These are just items that are the tip of the iceberg of why I love being a parent.
However, there are times where the boys are not quite so agreeable and easy-going. They are old enough to know what they want, and to know how to react in great, dramatic ways when they don't get it. We are trying to teach them that we don't always get what we want, and I'm sure you can imagine how that goes! Many of us still don't get that lesson as adults!
The other fun lesson is that sometimes we still need to do things that are the right thing to do, even when the right thing to do isn't what we want either. My boys don't always want to brush their teeth, but the dental issues that would follow would be worse for them than the sheer torture of a 2-minute brushing. This is what leads me to the part about being a parent that I say I hate. It's not the arguments with the boys. I'm not a fan, but I can survive that.
What I hate is the giant Spiritual Mirror that is placed in front of me as a dad. I get mad and upset when the boys don't follow my directions. I try to give them choices and help them learn the right things to do, but sometimes they go their own way, even when it's not good for them. There are even times when I wish I could remove their free will and make them do what I need them to do. These are the times I realize--I AM this kid, all the time, and my Heavenly Father must look at me with similar frustrations.
God has given me the ability and freedom to choose. I know what's right, but go against it sometimes. I don't always follow the directions given to me, and sometimes I find myself right smack in the middle of willful defiance. I've always been aware of these things on an educated, mental level. I have even dealt with conviction on a real level for some of these things. But, it wasn't until I became a parent that my understanding grew, and as a result, my awareness of how short I fall of the standards God has for me. So, in reality, I don't actually hate being a parent--I just hate the sin that I see in my own life as a result of this new clarity.
The positive flip-side of this is that as I learn these things, and as I demonstrate forgiveness to my children, my understanding and appreciation of God's forgiveness to me grows by leaps and bounds. I am continually amazed and thankful for His willingness to take me as a stubborn, pig-headed, know-it-all, head-strong, punk, and with grace and patience, continue to try and mold me and grow me into a real man who follows God. I'm not there yet, but with God still working on me, at least I'm headed in the right direction.
