In the past few months, I’ve been going through and interesting phase. I look in the mirror, and I see the same face I’ve seen for years. Of course, there have been some changes, but since I see myself every day, those differences come so gradually that it’s hard to pinpoint them as they’re happening. Probably because not all of those changes are physical, and will show up in a mirror!
I guess somewhere in the process of graduating college, getting a job, working full-time, getting married, having kids, and continuing to work, the time flew by fast enough, and I became a full-blown adult. According to law, I have passed most of the age-restrictions that are laid down in our country. (Accept for running for President, and that doesn’t matter as I’d never want that job!) The next ones I reach will be the ones that take me back to the discounted rates on coffee and meals!
My problem is that it’s been very hard for me to consider myself a “Grown up.” Maybe it’s because I work with teenagers and children. It could possibly be because I am younger than most of my staff colleagues. (But just barely!) I’ve thought about this, and I think the reason I struggle with it is because I have held the notion that “grown ups” have it figured out. All the adults I ever looked up to seemed to have a much stronger inkling of what was going on than I did. They always seemed to have an answer or have a system in place for getting them through tough times, and they certainly had more confidence in themselves than I felt.
When we are younger, we perceive things differently, and our memories are based on these perceptions. In college, I had the opportunity to visit a church we attended when I was still only four years old. In my mind, I remembered the sanctuary to be a very large, vast room with giant pews and huge windows. Sixteen years later, I discovered that the room was actually smaller than many church sanctuaries I had seen, and the pews were barely waist-high. The windows were still a pretty-good size, but not what I would consider “huge.” I remembered the room from a four-year-old perspective, where everything is larger. The room didn’t shrink, but as I grew, my perception changed, and made the room appear smaller than in my memories.
As a younger person, my perceptions of adults as were based on the fact that I didn’t always understand what was going on in the real world. I hadn’t the slightest awareness that small children running wild did cause unseen stress in the parents. It never occurred to me that my mentors may be just as confused about some issues as I was, and were just doing their best to help me stay on track.
Realizing that I’m now the one looking for the best encouragement to give the teenagers, and worrying about what church members will say about my children helps me to see things in an appropriate perspective. No, I don’t have it all together, but I certainly have numerous responsibilities. Each one of those represents individuals or groups who depend on me and trust me, and to earn that kind of trust, I must have done something right. I wish I could say that I was always very confident, but that’s not quite true. I do have faith that God will guide me, and will work to succeed even when I fail. If that brings about what others see as confidence, then it’s out of my hands. I hope to point people towards God, and as trite as that may sound, it’s the truth.
Bon Jovi’s song “Just Older,” says this: “Well, I look in the mirror, I don’t hate what I see, there’s a few more lines staring back at me…Like a favorite pair of torn blue jeans, this skin I’m in it’s alright with me, it’s not old…just older.”
Recognizing that I’m a “grown up” doesn’t mean I have to quit living young. I still ride all the roller coasters, and still play hard when we go to camp with the youth group. But, unlike myself even ten years ago, I understand more about my limits, and recognize the vastness of what I don’t know yet. There’s still a lot to learn, and as a “grown up,” I appreciate knowing that.
I guess somewhere in the process of graduating college, getting a job, working full-time, getting married, having kids, and continuing to work, the time flew by fast enough, and I became a full-blown adult. According to law, I have passed most of the age-restrictions that are laid down in our country. (Accept for running for President, and that doesn’t matter as I’d never want that job!) The next ones I reach will be the ones that take me back to the discounted rates on coffee and meals!
My problem is that it’s been very hard for me to consider myself a “Grown up.” Maybe it’s because I work with teenagers and children. It could possibly be because I am younger than most of my staff colleagues. (But just barely!) I’ve thought about this, and I think the reason I struggle with it is because I have held the notion that “grown ups” have it figured out. All the adults I ever looked up to seemed to have a much stronger inkling of what was going on than I did. They always seemed to have an answer or have a system in place for getting them through tough times, and they certainly had more confidence in themselves than I felt.
When we are younger, we perceive things differently, and our memories are based on these perceptions. In college, I had the opportunity to visit a church we attended when I was still only four years old. In my mind, I remembered the sanctuary to be a very large, vast room with giant pews and huge windows. Sixteen years later, I discovered that the room was actually smaller than many church sanctuaries I had seen, and the pews were barely waist-high. The windows were still a pretty-good size, but not what I would consider “huge.” I remembered the room from a four-year-old perspective, where everything is larger. The room didn’t shrink, but as I grew, my perception changed, and made the room appear smaller than in my memories.
As a younger person, my perceptions of adults as were based on the fact that I didn’t always understand what was going on in the real world. I hadn’t the slightest awareness that small children running wild did cause unseen stress in the parents. It never occurred to me that my mentors may be just as confused about some issues as I was, and were just doing their best to help me stay on track.
Realizing that I’m now the one looking for the best encouragement to give the teenagers, and worrying about what church members will say about my children helps me to see things in an appropriate perspective. No, I don’t have it all together, but I certainly have numerous responsibilities. Each one of those represents individuals or groups who depend on me and trust me, and to earn that kind of trust, I must have done something right. I wish I could say that I was always very confident, but that’s not quite true. I do have faith that God will guide me, and will work to succeed even when I fail. If that brings about what others see as confidence, then it’s out of my hands. I hope to point people towards God, and as trite as that may sound, it’s the truth.
Bon Jovi’s song “Just Older,” says this: “Well, I look in the mirror, I don’t hate what I see, there’s a few more lines staring back at me…Like a favorite pair of torn blue jeans, this skin I’m in it’s alright with me, it’s not old…just older.”
Recognizing that I’m a “grown up” doesn’t mean I have to quit living young. I still ride all the roller coasters, and still play hard when we go to camp with the youth group. But, unlike myself even ten years ago, I understand more about my limits, and recognize the vastness of what I don’t know yet. There’s still a lot to learn, and as a “grown up,” I appreciate knowing that.
1 comment:
:) good stuff Codes. i was wondering what being grone-up felt like.
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