Lessons in Thankfulness

You know, being thankful isn’t always easy. Not because there’s nothing for which to be grateful, but because many times I catch myself being a bit too selfish, and spending time focusing on the things that I want and don’t have. As a result, I fail to see the blessings in the fact that I have everything that I need, and much, much more.

My sons are a blessing to me because they teach me so much. In the last few days, they’ve taught me two good lessons. One directly and one around and about just a bit, but still very valuable.

As we were driving home from their pre-school last week, we came up to an intersection where a young man was standing with a cardboard sign informing the passers-by that he was stranded and hungry while trying to travel. My first inclination was to ignore the guy, while feeling that pang of guilt and uncertainty over what to do. Should I give to him, or is he lying and just going to waste it. Conventional wisdom tells me that so many scam artists get suckers like me to fall for them. Spiritual wisdom reminds me that I can’t always accurately judge the honesty of a situation based on appearances. In other words, I still didn’t know what to do!

It only took a few seconds for the boys to see the guy and to ask what He was doing. I told them that the sign he had said he needed some help to get some food and to get where he was going. One of them asked, “Do we have food for him?” Honestly, there are times we have a few snacks in the car, but this was not one of them. I said that we didn’t have any food, and they said, “Do we have any help for him?” I wasn’t really sure how to answer that. I had a few dollars, but was still stuck between my soft heart and judgmental mind. The light turned green and we ended up moving forward beyond the guy and his sign. Fortunately, the story doesn’t end here.

As soon as we passed, the boys said, “Why didn’t we help him?” It only took a micro-second before I said, “You know what, we ARE going to help.” I made a U-turn at the first available place, pulled out my wallet and grabbed the few singles I had. We ended up being first at the red light on the opposite side of the intersection, and as the light changed we slowly crossed and pulled up next to the guy. I handed him the money and simply said, “Excuse me, it’s not much, but I hope it helps.”

The simple questions of the boys reminded me that at that point, it was not my place to worry about whether or not the guy was legitimate. In fact, the point to the whole thing was not that I helped the guy, but that I took a chance to teach my children that when we are able, giving help to someone is not a bad thing to do. We have so much, and we need to be happy about what we have. Some people don’t have a lot, and when we can, we should help. Even if the guy scammed us, my boys learned the value of sharing that day. I learned the value of making the most of “teachable moments” about giving.

The other indirect lesson came from their recent birthday. (Twins, remember?) There were so many cards and gifts that came to the house that my wife and I were not even sure there was anything we needed to get them. Not only that, but with Christmas so close, we were getting calls from family members telling us all of the gifts that were already purchased in advance, and it made me begin to wonder how long it will be before they are totally spoiled rotten with a “gimme, gimme” mentality.

The truth is, I love to get my boys gifts. I am a sucker for a sweet face and a polite, “Please?” But, I also see how many people in the world have so little. How often do I push my own children towards a materialistic world view with all the gifts and “stuff” I get for them? They know I love them—they don’t need gifts to convince them.

This experience taught me that restraint in gift-giving may need to be exercised. My wife and I have talked about it, and are thinking about ways to scale back and open the boys’ eyes to the value of appreciating and being thankful for what they have. I know they’re only five, so believe me, we’ll change the wording a bit, but if we approach this on a simplified and applicable level for them, they can begin to learn and develop a self-less foundation that will help them (and hopefully others) in the long run.

Both of these lessons deal with giving and recognizing the needs of others. Maybe I’m just dealing with a bit of “seasonal guilt,” but I would rather think that God is just getting my attention on this matter. I am praying about how to put this into practice in my own life, and trying to let go of the countless and needless “wants” with which I wrestle.

It’s important to understand that God does not deal with everyone the exact same way. But, His TRUTH is the same. Scripture clearly says that we cannot serve both God and possessions. (Matthew 6:24) There’s nothing wrong with having money and nice things. But, if we are doing all we can to accumulate them, and ignoring the opportunity to share with others or missing chances to set the example in giving, then maybe we should examine where our priorities lie. I know that I need to re-shuffle mine a bit, and I am working on it. If you are one who is generous, keep it up, and look for new ways to inspire others to join you. If you need to open your heart and wallet a bit, pray and ask God to show how you can best use your resources to serve Him. You won’t regret it, and you just might be a blessing to someone else!

Strep Struggles

I spent several days last week on my back due to a horrible threat to mankind known as “Strep Throat.” I’m convinced that this little illness is actually a dark demon in disguise, doing what he can to strip his victims of morale, quality of life, and body heat—which is strange, since I actually had a fever. Fortunately, a great and mighty Angel named “Amoxicillin” swept in and put up a valiant fight against the dark enemy, and defeated him in a matter of a few days.

Okay, so I’m a bit over-the-top. I know it, I’m okay with it, so let’s move on. Actually, I usually tend to be a bit of a weenie when it comes to being sick, so this time, I really tried to just deal with it positively, and not let it get the best of me. I thanked my wife for taking care of me, I still did what I could as the Tylenol and Advil helped out, which included putting sheets on the boys’ beds, giving them baths two of those days, and even washing a few dishes. (Apparently, helping to prepare dinner is not advised when you have a contagious illness. Go figure.)

I actually found myself saying to myself in my inner-monologue, which can be rather entertaining when you get sick, that “even though you feel so bad now, this WILL be over in just a few days.” Usually I lean towards the “WHY, GOD, WHY?! Why did You let me get so deathly ill? What have I done to YOU to deserve this?” type of mentality. I already admitted that I’m a lousy patient, so get off my case.

The truth is, once I determined to simply get over myself, take the needed rest, and keep a temporary mindset about being sick, I can’t say I enjoyed it, but it certainly helped it to not be so bad. I just chilled out (fever joke), drank lots of water, and kept myself occupied with reading, snoozing, and watching a bit of TV.

Being sick is a lousy comparison to some of the other difficult things that can hit us in day-to-day living, but I do think that there is something to be said for determining your mindset before anything ever happens. I’m not one who believes that you need to be happy with everything happening to you or it means that your faith is weak. I leave that for the TV guys who tell you that then charge you $49.95 for a hanky they sneezed in and offered it to you (for a price) because it comes with a blessing.

I do believe that if we could somehow remind ourselves that no matter what comes our way, we don’t have to go through it alone, we have a better chance of pushing through with our faith intact, and our sanity remaining stable. God tells us on more than one occasion in scripture that He “…Will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deut. 31:6, 8, Joshua 1:5.) Jesus said that He is with us “Always,” even to the “…end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20) With the Creator and Sustainer of the Universe promising to be with us, we have the resources available to keep hope in the hardest of times, and perseverance when it seems that the end is not in sight.

Sometimes I worry that I get too trite, or send the wrong message. I wish I could say that everyone who experiences any illness or hard time will definitely get over it and move on into happy times. I know that’s not always the case. But, I have met many people who kept their hope and trust in God even in the face of the most difficult and lasting of circumstances, and I can attest that those people were still able to experience blessings and life in SPITE of their current situation. That’s hope that can only come from God, and it can be found when we determine that we WILL find it, no matter what the world or life tells us, because we have a personal relationship with The One who is the Source of all Hope.

Electing To Rant

I am completely bored…no…fed up with election season. It doesn’t take much. I can’t flip a channel or open the mailbox without having to see some sort of election propaganda! What’s worse is that you can’t change your channel or throw away the paper without getting the mud on your hands. It seems that all the candidates do nowadays is just tell you how horrible their opponents are.

I’m not sure I can determine what any of these candidates really stand for or support. I’m sure with a lot of digging, small cases could be made for some of them, but what really comes across is this message: “You should vote for me, not for who I am, but because of who I am NOT, and I am not this horrible person that will ruin your life!”

I wonder how anyone can even trust politicians, and yet when you watch the news, which also constantly deals with the elections, you see hundreds and sometimes thousands of people getting fired up and cheering for these guys (and gals) more than they would cheer for their favorite team at a football game. There are people who not only trust politicians, but put their whole trust and faith in them to bring about the “better life” they are sure exists out there somewhere.

Our Pastor told us in staff meeting recently that if people are dissatisfied enough with what’s going on, then they will be motivated to make a change. This makes me wonder what I should or could be doing to change a system that just regularly ticks me off. I have no desire to enter the public arena, so running for office myself is not in the question. I’m sure these guys get letters all the time asking them to change their tactics, so I can’t believe that a letter would have much of an impact. Off the top of my head, I’m left with the option of just turning off the TV and throwing away the flyers.
My wife asked me how I would run a campaign of integrity in this day where attacks seem to be the way to go. I truly don’t even know. It’s an area I admittedly don’t explore very often because it makes me cringe. But, in order to try and offer a positive instead of always griping about it, I guess there are a few key suggestions that I would make to anyone considering public office one day:

1. Live each day like you are constantly in the public eye. If you are always on your guard and doing the things that keep you above reproach that no one can use against you, then it will be hard for anyone to attack you.

2. Take responsibility for your actions. Part of the problem is that too many people are passing the buck and making excuses. We are all human, and even in an attempt to get it right, we might stumble. I tend to believe people will forgive an honest mistake for which you’ve taken responsibility sooner than they would be fooled into buying into an excuse.

3. Rise above the negative comments. If people toss out unfair and untrue attacks against you, avoid the temptation to do the same, and either politely decline to comment on these items, or equally as politely remind others of the truth—and if necessary with proof or evidence, while still refusing to insult or poke at those who originated the attacks.

4. Welcome honest constructive criticism from those you trust. If you have people who share your values that serve as your “sounding board” and advisors, then be ready to seriously entertain their suggestions, even if you don’t agree right away.

5. Remember whose you are, and whom you represent. If you are truly to be a civil servant “Of the people,” then you should take into consideration ALL of their circumstances and truly attempt to meet as many real needs as possible. Sometimes doing the BEST you know to do isn’t the same as doing the popular thing to do, but if you truly serve the people, you’ll look out for their best interests as long as they let you, no matter the outcome.

Oddly, as I look at these things, I see strong similarities to what I would consider a life that Christians should strive to live. If you adjust the first point to read “live each day remembering that you are in God’s and the public eye,” it challenges us to remember that we never know who sees us “letting our light shine before men,” or “hiding it under a basket.” We must live every moment pointing towards God.

The other adjustment would simply be to clarify statement #5. I know that I am God’s child, and as a follower, I represent Jesus Christ with every moment of the day, no matter where I am and whose company I keep. As The One who gives me salvation, He is the only one that matters, and if I make living as close to His standard as possible, then I will be less likely to step into any huge scandals, or do things that bring embarrassment and shame.

Not everyone will agree with me on this, and I’m okay with that. (See #3 above.) I just don’t feel right complaining or venting my feelings about the scarcity of positive campaign ads on TV unless I’m willing to offer my ideas on how to make adjustments. These are my humble opinions, and as per #2, I am willing to take responsibility. In other words, “My name is Cody, and I sponsored this blog.”

Lights Out!

As we were leaving church in two cars a couple of weeks ago, my wife called me from her vehicle to let me know that my driver-side headlight was out. I hadn't noticed it, so there's no telling how long it had been out, but sure enough, as I pulled up behind her vehicle at the next red light, I could see in the reflection that only one light was working. I told her I'd look into it.

The next day, I got into the car, and after starting it, got out and walked around to the front to see if it was completely out, partially out, or what. (By the way--I'm not exactly a car expert, so I didn't really know what I needed to see, or why I needed to see it again from the front anyway.) To my surprise, both lights were working. I watched all day, and there didn't seem to be any trouble.

Unfortunately, a few nights later, we noticed that the same light was out again. Maybe it's a loose wire or something, and possibly a blown bulb. I guess we'll have to figure that out. Truth be told, I've never changed a headlight bulb. I've changed a tail light, and my sincere hope is that it is at least relatively close in procedure, as I managed to do that one in under 10 minutes.

With my luck, I'll get the bulb, pop the hood to the car, attempt to make a simple change, and somehow do something that causes the car muffler to fall off the back of the car. It seems a bit dramatic, but that's how these things go for me. Truthfully, I'll do some research and find some pretty good directions before I attempt anything. I'm not like the average dude that is convinced I can fix it the first time without any help. I know my limitations, and figure it's cheaper in the long run to swallow my pride, and just look at the directions, take it slow, and then HOPEFULLY get it right.

Life isn't like those headlights--it doesn't come with an instruction manual to tell us how to do everything. In fact, many times we can feel like we are expected to go it alone without any instructions, and to get it right the first time. As a believer in Christ, I know that's not the case. When I first began my relationship with Him, the Holy Spirit came to live in my heart. Jesus promised He would always be with us, and through the Spirit, He is.

The other thing is that even though day-to-day living has its difficulties and trials, I do have a manual that can help me. God's Word is there to give me encouragement and guidance. Okay, let me pause right here: I am well aware that this has just taken a seemingly very cliche approach to the Bible being the "Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth." But stay with me a second, and maybe I can still make a positive application for you.

The truth is, the Bible is the Living Word of God, given for instruction, teaching, and correction. (2 Timothy 3:16) But, as far as specifics go, it won't spell out the answer for how a dad should handle a son's refusal to quit overreacting to the slightest attempt to settle him down. There is no book in the Bible dedicated to helping a husband specifically handle the feelings of inadequacy that comes from not being able to relieve his pregnant wife's back pain. I haven't found the passage of scripture that tells me exactly what time of month is best to pay certain bills so that the paychecks last longer through the month.

BUT, I do know that there are passages that deal with disciplining children and allowing the Spirit to help us maintain patience. I also know that Scripture encourages husbands to love their wives enough to be willing to sacrifice in order to meet their needs. Beyond that, I also know that there are plenty of passages that deal with trusting God to meet our needs and making wise decisions.

So, while there may not be specific answers to some of the issues we face, with the Bible we do have a great resource available that points us in the right direction. At that point, the Holy Spirit within us can step in and guide us to make the best choice based on our current circumstances. There's still some room for human error here, and just because we are led towards a certain path doesn't mean we'll take it. But it's good to know that we aren't left hanging out to dry, just waiting for the next problem to take us further into dispair.

Like my wife, I'm anxious to see if I can fix this headlight problem on my own, or if I'll need to call in someone with more experience to bail me out. But, at least I've got Google--I can find those instructions somewhere, and eventually, and hopefully painlessly, there will be two working headlights once again.

New New Orleans Saints?

I’m not what you would call a “huge” football fan. In fact, I’m not even a big fan. Truthfully, I enjoy watching a good game, and I’ve been known to get pulled into one emotionally with shouting and clapping here and there, but I usually prefer to watch a movie or do something out with my family instead of watching football. Even though I didn’t see it with my own eyes, something about NFL football recently caught my attention, and made it into my conscience enough to end up here.

Yesterday, The New Orleans Saints defeated the New York Giants in the Superdome. Just to shed a little light on the history—the Saints have NEVER played in a Superbowl. The Giants have won 3 of them, and played in 4 (if my math is correct). I know that history doesn’t necessarily have to dictate the present or the future, but it sure does shape the expectations of the spectators.

I grew up in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, about an hour and a half from New Orleans. I remember enough about our State to know that most people pulled for the LSU Tigers in College Football, and tolerated the New Orleans Saints for NFL. In fact, there were many references to the “New Orleans Ain’ts” as a slam against the team for repeatedly doing so poorly. One grocery store chain did a short promotional gimmick where they printed marks to cut out eye-holes in their paper bags so that people who wanted to go watch the Saints play wouldn’t have to be embarrassed about being seen at the game. (People were actually put on national TV wearing such bags!)

The truth is, the history of the team does make it hard for those that have followed them to expect great things from them. However, with a 5-0 winning record so far, surely there are fans who are getting excited that this could be the year!

There is a parallel that runs in the way we view others, and even ourselves. We tend to let history continue to shape our expectations. Many times, the things people used to do, or have done in the past cause us to expect less or distrust them in the present. It’s not always unwarranted, and certainly should be a reason for caution, but I can’t believe that we should etch in marble and granite one’s character and personality based on past mistakes.

The writer of Hebrews tells us to “…throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles us, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (Hebrews 12:1) This seems to imply that we can be freed from the mistakes of the past, and do not have to be shackled to the reputations and expectations that come with those sins. Paul says that “…if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation. The old has gone, and the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

If we can get rid of the old, can’t others? And if so, shouldn’t our old expectations also be discarded and a new slate of opportunity laid before those that are allowing the Holy Spirit to heal, re-shape, and change them? It seems to me that we need to be willing to do that for others. I know I’d want the same chance to prove myself as a new creation.

Who knows what the Saints will do for this year. In the grand scheme of things, it’s still just a game that men get paid ridiculous amounts of money to play. But, for those that enjoy watching, it’s a great chance to give an old team a new opportunity to succeed. It will be interesting to see what happens when these Saints go marching in to play!

A Little Steamed

You ever have one of those moments when things aren’t going exactly the way you wanted, and you get a bit frustrated? Have you ever continued the downward spiral where at that point everything continues to make you more and more mad, and you continue to act worse and worse until you find yourself snapping at those around you and escalating the situation to embarrassing proportions? No? Yeah, me neither.

Well, except for this weekend. Saturday rolled around, and like fools, we made plans. Don’t you know that when you have children, and you make plans—they tend to get messed up and fall through? Maybe not every time, but you can pretty well bank on the fact that your specific plans will not happen they way they are crafted and diligently rehearsed and laid out in that perfect little existence of your mind.

We were going to attend the Virginia Children’s Festival in Norfolk. However, while they were not being terribly obnoxious about it, they boys decided they didn’t want to help us out by following our schedule. That got me just a bit frustrated. Then came another little discovery that slowed us way down, but I won’t bore you with those details. Let’s just say I needed to run a quick errand, just as the rain started to fall. In torrents.

The key to this whole story is that every so steadily, my temper and frustration level were boiling up, and I was the proverbial pressure cooker waiting to explode. Finally, I think it was something the boys said or did. The fact that I can’t really remember shows how unimportant it was in the grand scheme of things. But, much to my chagrin, I finally hit my limit.

All in all, I handled it better than I could have. There were no spankings in anger, there was no throwing of items across the room. But there was a bit of volume increase on my voice, and there was the slight issue of banishment from the kitchen forever. (I never said I was completely rational in my reaction.) Long story short, the boys got sent to their rooms in tears, and I managed to act more like the child throwing a tantrum than they did.

The really sad part of all of this was that just as things started heating up, I heard a very clear voice in my mind or my heart telling me, “Take a break, you’re about to get too frustrated.” In fact, I kept hearing similar warnings the whole time. When the explosion came and went, the same voice said, “you don’t really feel any better, do you?” Nope.

In fact, I was feeling pretty low. I was only mad at myself. We had spent a good bit of time at church the previous week discussing the Holy Spirit, and how many of us ignore it, or get it confused. The truth is, in this situation, I was too determined to get my way, and when my way wasn’t happening, I was still stubborn enough to try and get control. Funny how neither of those things happened...

If I had only listened the first time, I think I might have been able to keep my cool. I’m sure of it, because the Spirit works to bring Honor to God, and my yelling needlessly at the children didn’t do that.

Many times, if we just follow the direction of the Holy Spirit, and stick to the truth of the Scriptures, especially that one about Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, and Self-control (which, incidentally, come from following the Spirit’s guidance), we will diffuse the situation before it gets to the aforementioned level.

I smoothed things over with the boys, and I apologized to my wife for acting like a total Neanderthal. (Cue the Geico cavemen.) The day was salvaged, and we ended up having a pretty good day. But, I will never be able to completely take back what I did. Listening to the Spirit isn’t always easy, but it is always the right thing to do.

Belligerent Buttons

I think that the makers of some childrens clothes should be smacked with a wet lasagna noodle. Enough to make the point, but not enough to really hurt or cause damage.

This morning, I watched AGAIN as my two boys attempted to button their shorts before school. they are at the age when they really don't want any help, but need just a little. If I try to step in and do any of it, they turn away and get defiant about doing it themselves.

However, these particular shorts, both of the same brand, have a button-hole that is just barely bigger than the button that must pass through it. I'll be the first to admit thay my children are highly gifted and advanced in their fine motor skills (don't all parents say that?), but even I think this particular button is difficult. I even spent a few minutes cutting the hole bigger last night before laying the clothes out for the boys!

Basically, what ends up happening is that I see the boys having trouble, and they OBVIOUSLY need a little bit of help. So I try delicately to reach in, only to get pushed away or fussed out for helping. I try to reason with them about how much they really need the help, only to get shot down again. Finally, because I do eventually want to get them out of the room, I force my help on them, and just button the stinking shorts myself. Not necessarily my finest hour as a daddy, but I didn't yell or hit them, just upset them a bit.

Look out! It's a spiritual application on the way!

Ever notice how people just need help, but don't seem to know it? Maybe they are depressed or down or just seem to have no focus or direction. What about the ones that would really benefit from understanding that there is a God who loves them just the way they are, and wants to come and begin the process of bringing healing and peace to their life?

We know these people, and we see them around us, and as much as it frustrates us that they won't just open up to God's love, it's not like that button. We simply can NOT force this issue. We just stand by, patiently waiting, letting them know we're there to offer some help, and when they are finally open to it, we step in and bring God's love with us.

It's not always a guaranteed fix. Some people still reject the help we offer, even when they've invited our help. That is just the way it goes. But, we pray for them, and we wait patiently. Just like my boys who will eventually quit having trouble with those crazy buttons, some people will finally just quit fighting and learn how to give it over to God and to allow His love into their lives.

Meanwhile, I'm considering a petition to all children's clothiers to just put snaps on the pants and shorts of any size that any child under 8 years old would wear. I think it would just be easier and quicker. Probably won't work, but who knows?

Wisdom From WALL-E

I was brushing my teeth this morning, when I overheard one of my sons utter the phrase, “Acquisition Confirmed.” He was playing by himself with his Hot Wheels, and at first I thought I didn’t hear correctly since the toothbrush noise in my head was too loud. However, as I stopped and listened, He said it again. “Acquisition Confirmed!”

I didn’t realize my son knew such words. There was a moment of pride and a flash-forward to the Nobel Prize Ceremony that would come in just a few years, before I realized that what he was saying was him just repeating words he’s heard in a movie.

You see, on Sunday afternoons, the only way my wife and I get any kind of downtime, albeit a very short downtime, is to have what we call “Quiet Time” with the boys. They don’t really nap anymore, so we usually put in one of their movies, hoping that at least they’ll sit still and get some rest that way while we snooze on the couch and in the recliner.

One of their favorites to watch over and over again, (much to our dismay) is the recent Pixar release, “WALL E.” Now, I’ll be the first to admit, I thought it was clever, but there’s only so many times I can watch that movie! However, my boys love it, so we cave in if it means an hour and twenty-eight minutes of peace.

Near the end of the movie, there is a scene where the ship’s main computer (sorry if you’re lost—see the movie) gathers a plant sample, and says the words, “Acquisition Confirmed.” This is what my son was repeating this morning. Mystery Solved. So long pride…Nobel Prize, you may still happen.

What scared me was that even though I consider my sons incredibly gifted and intelligent (from their Mother’s side, I’m sure), this was still a mouthful to remember and repeat. What I realized is that sometimes even the most complicated thoughts and ideas can get into our minds and stay there. This is dangerous, because the world is constantly throwing stuff at us.

Sometimes it’s very complicated mumbo-jumbo that tickles our ears and our desires to be independent and “free.” Other times it’s simple and sounds like “conventional wisdom.” Whatever description you want to put inside the quotation marks, the point is, too many times we let it into our minds and thoughts because it sounds good, so it must be true. At other times, we don’t even realize we are letting it in, and are not aware of the influence these things have on us.

There’s an old song that says the words: “Be careful little ears what you hear…for the Father up above, He is watching down with Love, so be careful little ears what you hear.” The idea is simply that God is always aware of what goes into our minds through what we hear. If we’re serious about honoring Him, we should pray about any new ideas we think sound great, and then measure them against His Word before we determine that it’s a new, wonderful way of thinking.

I certainly have nothing against thinking for yourself. In fact, when you do make the decision to honor God on your own, I believe it actually means more to Him than a forced decision. Just be consistent—Seek Him on all things, and look for His wisdom and direction when faced with the world. He is faithful, and while this is admittedly very, VERY cheesy, by staying committed to Him, you are one of those who becomes an “Acquisition Confirmed.”

Hope Sneaks In

It’s been awhile since I posted, but hopefully now that the insanity of summer has settled into the chaos of the school year, I can get back into a productive routine. Of course, during the school year, there are still things that come up out of the ordinary, and take us places we don’t always expect.

This past Saturday, I participated in a local “Out of the Darkness” walk, that is designed to raise awareness of suicide prevention, and the link of suicide with depression and other un-treated mental illness. As one who works with teenagers, who are not exempt from these same things, I felt like it would be good to check it out and be a part of the activities.

So, along with two of my trusty kids from church (they know who they are, and they are WONDERFUL), I headed to Mt. Trashmore, a local park, lake, and otherwise nice place to meet and hang out. As I sat at one of the picnic tables waiting for the program to start before the walk itself, I noticed that many people there were wearing T-shirts they made with pictures and names of loved ones they lost to suicide. I’ll be the first to admit, I was worried that it would be a depressing time, which to me seemed a bit ironic.

However, what I quickly discovered, is that while these people were all here because of a terrible event that took a loved one, they were remembering how these folks lived. There was an area called the “Memorial Tent” where pictures of suicide victims were displayed for people to see. Inside the tent, on a large sign were the words, “…They are not defined by how they died, but how they lived, and how they were loved.” It ended up being a very touching display of support for one another.’

Those of us who were there as general participants were challenged to make sure we watch our own friends and loved ones so that any warning signs could be spotted and help offered in time to make a difference.

So there I was, sitting at my picnic table noticing these shirts, when two ladies sat down at our table. Both were wearing a shirt of what turned out to be the husband of one lady, and the son of the other one. The dates on the shirt told us that this particular man had taken his own life just over a year ago. Several times they hugged and put their arms around each other in support.

Also sitting at our table was a young mother with her son, who was probably just about 9-10 months old. During the program, as the speakers focused on the need to be aware, and the need to support, this little baby was playing and smiling and just being about the cutest little kid as he could be. What I noticed was that the two ladies who lost the loved one were interacting with this little boy, and were smiling and laughing through their tears. Playing with this baby that was so full of life was helping them find hope even as they remembered the loss of life so close to them.

That was a moment that I saw God working. It was nothing earth-shattering, and it probably would be considered silly by some, but who else could it be to bring Hope in a tough time? I remembered the little snipped from Jeremiah, “…plans to give you hope…”

I learned two very important things that day. The first was that although those of us that haven’t been directly affected by suicide tend to gloss over the issue, it is still something to which we need to place more effort and emphasis, and about which we have a real need to increase our education.

The second thing was that even in the midst of tough or hard times, God can provide hope—even in the form of a drooling baby. We just have to be willing to see it, and keep our hearts available for the comfort that He can bring.

New Understanding

I've decided that I love being a parent. I've also decided that I hate being a parent. It's not that I don't love and adore my boys. I do. I can't get enough of them! They're getting so big, and so smart! We have the best time together when we finally get to play. I can't believe how many different skills they are picking up. The other day, one of them beat me at Wii bowling, and I wasn't "letting" him win. They can write their names (sort of), they can sing songs, and they know more about cars at 4-years-old than I know at 33!

They have become more active in their bedtime prayers, which is really fun to see them growing in their understanding of God. They still thank God for everything from their parents to the ants that we saw crawling in the kitchen. (Daddy and Mommy were NOT as thankful for that last one.) It's child-like, and it's wonderful! These are just items that are the tip of the iceberg of why I love being a parent.

However, there are times where the boys are not quite so agreeable and easy-going. They are old enough to know what they want, and to know how to react in great, dramatic ways when they don't get it. We are trying to teach them that we don't always get what we want, and I'm sure you can imagine how that goes! Many of us still don't get that lesson as adults!

The other fun lesson is that sometimes we still need to do things that are the right thing to do, even when the right thing to do isn't what we want either. My boys don't always want to brush their teeth, but the dental issues that would follow would be worse for them than the sheer torture of a 2-minute brushing. This is what leads me to the part about being a parent that I say I hate. It's not the arguments with the boys. I'm not a fan, but I can survive that.

What I hate is the giant Spiritual Mirror that is placed in front of me as a dad. I get mad and upset when the boys don't follow my directions. I try to give them choices and help them learn the right things to do, but sometimes they go their own way, even when it's not good for them. There are even times when I wish I could remove their free will and make them do what I need them to do. These are the times I realize--I AM this kid, all the time, and my Heavenly Father must look at me with similar frustrations.

God has given me the ability and freedom to choose. I know what's right, but go against it sometimes. I don't always follow the directions given to me, and sometimes I find myself right smack in the middle of willful defiance. I've always been aware of these things on an educated, mental level. I have even dealt with conviction on a real level for some of these things. But, it wasn't until I became a parent that my understanding grew, and as a result, my awareness of how short I fall of the standards God has for me. So, in reality, I don't actually hate being a parent--I just hate the sin that I see in my own life as a result of this new clarity.

The positive flip-side of this is that as I learn these things, and as I demonstrate forgiveness to my children, my understanding and appreciation of God's forgiveness to me grows by leaps and bounds. I am continually amazed and thankful for His willingness to take me as a stubborn, pig-headed, know-it-all, head-strong, punk, and with grace and patience, continue to try and mold me and grow me into a real man who follows God. I'm not there yet, but with God still working on me, at least I'm headed in the right direction.